You're not welcome.

How selfish are you? Me, I'm selective.. but when I do select a particular thing to be selfish about, boy, can I be mean or what. And strangely, I am not possessive about the usual things, the common things. Like, I don't care if my crush is close to my best friend and hardly acknowledges my presence, or if my mom loves my brother more(she doesn't.. it's just an example. Note to self- call ma and confirm.) or if Robert Downey Jr. is seeing some stupid dumb blondie. I love him nonetheless.. and I leave him alone. I mean, the guy is all grown up, he should have a hot GF.. it's just his misfortune he doesn't know me yet. Er.. ah.. so, to sum it up, I'm not selfish about people. Nope, I'm very materialistic. I love and am extremely possessive about small small things, maybe even inexpensive things.. things that are dispensable, re-buyable and often unimportant. A few examples-

1) My coffee mug. No, it ain't a gift, nor is it some pretty and round and cute little piece of china. On the contrary, it's your typical Nescafe red-coloured mug that's able to hold barely enough coffee. But, I have to.. HAVE to drink every single cuppa from it, and if anyone as much as even touches it, I get all twitchy and panicky. Once, my roommate's mom came over and she wanted to have tea. Obviously, as my luck goes, just at the moment I was going to hide my mug somewhere, she spotted it and wait for it.. 'drank' from it. She'd made tea for me as well, but I waited till she was done, and then washed my mug and had my cold tea. From MY mug.

2) Food. Any food I love, you're not welcome to share. 'Joey doesn't share food', and nor do I. I mean, why in the world everyone seems to want to 'have a bite', or 'taste a bit' or 'just try' the exact same thing as I am having?! You like Ferrero's? I'll buy two boxes, one for you, one for me. I'm not stingy. It's not about money. It's about parting with something that I LOVE. Not done. And it's not restricted to any chocolate or such.. hell, people have wanted to share my vegetables- RAW veggies- when I'm having em. To elaborate- I love green peas, the ones in a pod. I love to take them out of their pod and eat them raw. Who'd even think people would wanna try that! But yep, you guessed right. While I was at it once, my ex-roommate actually came up and asked me if she could have a few. A few became half a kilo. Then she even helped herself to my share of raw cauliflower. I would've eaten her raw if she were in a pod. Damn food snatchers!

3) Books. The ONLY conditions on which I'll share my awesome novel collection with you are-
a> I have a secret crush on you and want to interact more with you on the pretext of exchanging books.
b> I got the book as a gift from someone I don't care about and the book is in a pathetic condition anyway.
c> I have already read the book a million times and I'm damn sure a million-and-one time is not happening.
d> You have a offer I can't refuse.(I'm talking book exchange, dodo)
Other than that, I'm always going to refuse, and in a way that you wouldn't even realize I'm turning your request down. Ha.

4) My expensive tops that don't fit me anymore. I might share them, I might lend them, I might even give them away for free.. but trust me, it would always hurt like hell.. to part away with MY tops.

5) My guitar. Before you get all impressed on hearing about me having a guitar, lemme tell you I can't play it. I'v e had it for almost 3 years now, and all I do is drag it alongwith me whenever I change flats. I know I'll never learn it, for more reasons than one, but when my cousin asked me if he could keep it for a while, I gave him a look that could've burnt him alive. Let it rust and wither away, but no one dare touch it, geddit?

Following items add to this list but do not complete it-My teddy, my comb, my kohl pencil, my nailpaint, my nailpaint remover, my cellphone, my blanket, my Ducati poster.

Anything other than the ones mentioned above can be safely asked to be shared/borrowed. In case I still raise an eyebrow, it might be 'cause of habit.. I do it so many times a day, what with everyone in the world wanting this or that from me. Go buy your own red mug, you cheapo!

Screw you!! :D :D

Back after a much needed break. Funny how a simple task of blogging everyday can get so daunting. Anyway, another reason why I didn't blog was 'cause I was mad. At a lot of things in general, but more so at the whole Mumbai 'war' episode. A LOT and more has been said/blogged/argued/etc about it, and I'm in no mood to spoil my blog by posting a fuming post, so I'd rather spoil it by telling you about the one fantasy I've had for long. Yes, I fanatsize about cussing and swearing and doing it like a pro.

You heard right. It's not a trick statement. Of course, how difficult can it be to say an F or a B or an M or S word, right? Very. Trust me, if you were me, and saw the whole world take out their anger, frustration, desperation so easily, by uttering a simple swear word; and not be able to do so yourself, you'd understand the gravity of the situation. No matter how hard I try, I just can't abuse. In fact, the situation's so bad that I can't even swear at a fictional foe when I'm alone in the room. Nope, tried a thousand times in front of the mirror, to get that angry look and that deadly tone and utter that forbidden F/B/M/S word- to no avail. All I can manage after these 24 years of existence is a 'jerk' and a 'A-hole'. Sigh.

It's not like am one of those 'haw' girls, you know the ones who go "Haw! He said F**k! What a dirty mouth!" The irony in my case is that I love swearing- when others do it. Especially females. I'm sure I'll be considered a nutcase to be saying this, but there's something very bold and beautiful about the whole female-swearing thing. Only I can't do it. There was a time when I got so deperate to learn how to abuse people out loud that I asked a few of my guy friends to teach my curse-words in their native languages(now I know profanities in at least 5 different lingos)- the languages I don't know. What I don't understand won't hurt(I never asked the meanings, only the pronunciations). The guys were absoultely delighted and amused.. they too wanted a change it seems. But the moment I uttered my first ever swear word out loud without any guilt- 'hahhah.. how cute!' and "I'd love to be cussed at everyday if you say it like this!" is the reaction I got. Seriously? Cute?! Why couldn't I get the tone right? Why couldn't they overlook the 'cuteness' of the tone and concentrate on what was being said and feel offended by it! It was a blow to my aspirations of evolving into a female hardcore dirty mouth and becoming an elite member of the one of the rarest clans left on this planet.

I dedicate this post to Les Grossman, the man who remains my idol, and inspires me to learn how to talk. One of my most favourite dialogues from his movie?- "Look, F**k-stick, I'm incredibly busy. So why don't get the hell out of here before I snap your *ahem* and jam in into your *the synonym of human posterior*?"
What the eff!! I can't even type it! What won't I give to actually mouth these words.. once.. just once!! :(